I am choosing to write this letter in order to make your lives in the restaurant easier. First off, please do not touch food in the kitchen unless it is on a plate in the pass. I know that you might think that pan of rice might need a quick stir or taste. Don’t touch it, on second thought don’t even look at it. Next we ask that you never touch our equipment. I know and you know my knives are sharp and sick as hell you don’t need to pick it up to find out. And you know this, son. Another favor I have to ask is please don’t order food when we are busy or 5 minutes before we close. I realize you had a hard shift and are dying of hunger, next time all we ask is to wait till you don’t see us totally weeded. Or if you choose to try and order at above said times, please offer a reasonable bribe. A simple ” I will spot you a cocktail after work” should suffice. Next, we don’t give a shit if you got tipped a buck fifty on an 8 top, but I’m sure your fellow front of the house stallions would love to hear your sorrow. In closing, we really do like you guys. We know you guys have to deal with a hole customers quite often or the lady that is pissed she just found a ladybug in her beautiful organic greens. I don’t think our requests are too much to ask. Much love, and no hard feelings.
The Kitchen Staff
P.S. Thanks for always having cash when were thirsty at the bar after work.