A Splash of Humor and a Dash of Asshole

Customer Service

Some people should stay at home and eat their pre cooked, organic, low fat dinner from Whole Foods with their sterling silver spoon while drinking their delicious glass of White Zinfandel with their diamond encrusted pinky finger full extended. Some peoples’ wants and needs can’t be met by their local dining establishment. Yes, I’m talking to you Mr. “I’ll have the filet medium rare but I don’t want any pink. I’ll have that with mashed potatoes, no butter or cream. And that sauce on the pork chop sounds good, I’ll have that on the side.” I’m also talking to you Mr. ” I’m deathly allergic to garlic, onions and black pepper. Oh, the soup has all of that in it already, well as long as the onions and garlic are cut small and they don’t add any extra pepper I will be fine. And Ms. “I’ll have the creamed spinach with no cream, butter, salt or oil, I’ll just have it steamed,” I’m talking to you, too. It also means you, Ms. ” My friends and I would like the salmon filet and a house salad split four ways please.”
Just a few pointers for the rest of you. Those organic greens we make your salad with, they come from the ground. I know it really fucking sucks that you just found a rolypoly in it, but it happens. Let us make you another one or hook you up with a round of drinks. Don’t complain about it for twenty minutes and write a bad review on citysearch.
Another helpful hint when dining out, take care of your server when they give you good service. I am not their biggest fans either, but I’m not going to tip them 2 bucks on my $80 bill just because my water glass sat empty for 3 minutes while they waited on that walk in 20 top of grandmas. My last bit of advice, just be nice to restaurant employees. We work long shitty hours in substandard conditions under insane stress with little gratification.

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