A Splash of Humor and a Dash of Asshole

Get a Job

So you’re ready to apply for that kitchen job you would kill for. What’s the first thing you need to do before you meet the chef? That’s right, get your resume together and tightened up. Here are a few suggestions based on reading numerous resumes I have seen when hiring line cooks.

1) If you do not already possess a professional email address in your arsenal, get one stat. It takes 5 minutes to create one and it will save you extreme embarrassment. Some examples of unprofessional email addresses: sexyhornykitty69@hotmail.com
maryjanekushsmoker420@yahoo.com
worldsgreatestchef@gmail.com
mrbigdick@iamaliar.com
Please just take the time and create an email address that doesn’t creep your potential boss out.

2) Please spell check your resume before sending it out. This doesn’t mean just relying on your computers spell check, have someone spell check it for you. And after they have read it, please read over it yourself. I know what some of you are thinking. Is it really important for someone who wants to cook to be able to spell. Simple answer, not really. But if you are not willing to take an extra step to submit a resume without spelling errors, how am I supposed to know that you will not take all of the necessary steps to make the food perfect. Think that one through, I promise it makes sense.

3) References are people that you have worked under. They are not the guy who worked the grill at your last job. They are not your best friend from high school. And most importantly they are not your family, even if your dad was the chef at your last job. If you do not have a chef or manager that you have worked for in the recent past who would actually give you a recommendation, do not list them as a reference. We will probably call him and unless he has nothing but good things to say you will not get hired. I have actually contacted a reference from a persons resume and been told that the applicant had worked at the restaurant for three days and walked out in the middle of his fourth shift. Not smart.

4) Do not list previous jobs that have no relation to working in a kitchen. You decided to go work construction for six months, I don’t care. All that shows me is that you don’t really want to cook.

So now you have dialed out your resume and feel confident enough to hand it over. Please do not show up and ask to talk to me if you are not fully prepared. Dont show up in you Pabst Blue Ribbon denim jacket and camo shorts. You don’t have to get a suit and tie, but clean yourself up, shave and put on a nice shirt. I will be judging you from the moment I see you, so make it count. And now for a quick story on the worst interview of all time.

5:00 P.M. Saturday night. 300 on the books and we are all frantically trying to get ready for service. Host walks back to the kitchen and says “Bob” is here to see you. Bob? I don’t know who the hell he is. He said he is here to see you that’s all i know. In my mind I’m thinking who is Bob and who hired Corky’s girlfriend from Life Goes On to work the host stand? I know that’s a brutal comparison, but I have to be honest. I go out to the front to meet this Bob guy. I see a guy who looks to be homeless and think, of course that guy has got to be Bob. He greets me with a pleasant, “whats up dude, I’m bob.” He then proceeds to tell me about how he just moved into town and needs work. Im at the point of no return. I ask what he did at his last job. Response ” I worked all the stations and pretty much ran the place until it closed.” Why did it close? No bullshit he actually said ” Because the Chef was a dumbass and ran the place into the ground” I am stunned, I don’t know what to do. Do I kick him out or politely tell him we are not hiring? No, I tell him I am going to go get the other Sous Chef for him to talk to. After all, someone else has to meet the worlds greatest chef. Moral of the story, don’t be like Bob.

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3 responses

  1. renzo

    Is this one that we ran across, sounds familiar.

    May 13, 2010 at 3:25 am

  2. renzo

    I knew it! Fucking hilarious bro!

    May 18, 2010 at 5:20 am

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