A Splash of Humor and a Dash of Asshole

False Advertising

There are a ton of things wrong with this product. I may be wrong but are they trying to use Old Blue Eyes to sell white balsamic vinegar? I doubt Frank would have ever touched let alone put his name on this jug of crap. Maybe there is a “Sinatra” who owns the company, but I doubt it. Secondly, what makes this stuff ” top of the line?” It is the same shit, for the same cheap price as every other jug o’ balsamic they sell to kitchens. Their slogan should be changed to ” the same average product, but with a different label.”

Only 15 calories per teaspoon? Wow, they just blew my gosh darn mind! This is a 50 pound bag of sugar they sell to restaurants. We don’t care about how many calories are in the sugar. Huge waste of ink. And ” snow white … satin smooth?” Nice logo and tag line. Unless this is a 50 pound bag of Tony Montana’s nose candy, nobody cares if it’s snow white and satin smooth.

Fancy Red Crab Meat. It’s frozen crab meat. Not too fancy.

Frozen green peas. They are not packed full of flavor, nor are they fancy in any way. New brand name Froz-N-Pac.

New grade N. Most of us got a bunch of those in grade school so I’m sure you know what that means, needs improvement.

This has to be my favorite for a number of reasons. First, if a restaurant served me a plate of canned tomatoes and basil with a glass of red wine, I might have to take the fancy silver fork on the right and stab myself in the eye . Notice how they try to make a plate of canned tomatoes look “fine dining.” Whoever approved this label should bend over and kick their own ass. Secondly, I love how they try to make you believe you are getting imported tomatoes from Italy. Fancy Italian writing. Italian color scheme, this product must be imported from Italy right? Bullshit, produces and packaged in Modesto, California. In case you are wondering, Modesto is literally about 6,000 miles from Italy. Alta Cucina you can succhiare pene. Arrivederci!

One last example.

Loosely translated Puto in spanish means gay. Gay cheese? Damnit, I just ate the whole thing. Wait a second. Puto cheese is a Phillipino steamed rice cake. Whew, dodged a bullet there. By the way, don’t ever buy these, they tasted awful.


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