A Splash of Humor and a Dash of Asshole

Chef Knives…..A Love Affair

What can I say about chef knives? Without them, I am nothing . They are like my little culinary football team. The 10 inch chef’s knife playing quarterback and being the best all around athlete on the team. The small paring knife being the kicker, never getting the praise but always being able to come through for you in the clutch. I can’t forget my linebacker, the boning knife.  Always being able to do the dirty work when it’s needed. Their daily training includes slicing, fabricating and honing.  When they are injured they get the whetstone treatment instead of the whirlpool. Unless the whole team shows up in their best shape, I have no chance of winning.

Over the years I have both owned and disowned many knives. I ditched the Henkels because they were too heavy and had awkward grips. The Shuns were donated to dishwashers and prep cooks because they never kept an edge. I feel like my current arsenal is right where I need it to be. Let’s take a quick walk-through of my kit:

Mac 10′ Chef Series with Dimples

This is the bad boy who attacks most prep work. It is the perfect weight and also keeps its edge extremely well.  The dimpled blade is supposed to aid in food releasing from the blade while slicing or chopping, but I have not noticed much of a difference from a straight blade.  This knife is the shining star of the kit.

Mac 6″ Boning Knife, Straight

This knife is a slayer. It has just enough bend in the blade to easily navigate around bones and is still firm enough to make accurate cuts.  Everything from breaking down chickens to boning out lamb legs can be made easier with this pony in your stable.

Victorinox 6 1/4 ” Utility Knife

I am Bill and this little bitch is my Monica. I use her and abuse her. When she is fully worn out, I toss her in the garbage and buy a new one. This knife will only set you back about $24, and it will do whatever you need. This is the knife I use on the line every night.  Every cook should have a knife that they can use to skin a salmon filet one minute and break down boxes with the next.

Kuhn Rikon 4″ Paring Knife

No, this knife is not an expensive ceramic paring knife. Yes, this is the same knife you just saw for sale at Williams Sonoma for $10. The blade is coated in some kind of nonstick covering. It is the perfect size paring knife and it can be sharpened with just a few passes on the stone. There is no match for this knife when it comes doing small tasks such as coring tomatoes or slicing garlic. This one is kind of like that fat chick you hooked up with back in the day. She wasn’t pretty and you didn’t want to show her off to your friends, but she definitely got the job done better than most.

Forschner 12″ Curved Cimetar

If you are responsible for breaking down proteins, this knife is a must. It is the perfect length for hacking up salmon filets, but i still offers enough control to break down strip loins.  This knife will immediately make you more valuable, which will get you paid. You will become famous and maybe even get offered a spot on the food network. On second thought, just buy the knife and learn how to use it first.

Misono 10″ UX10 Chef Knife

This knife was definitely an “investment,” but it’s worth every penny.  It is made by one of Japan’s oldest sword makers. This is the Pamela Anderson of chef knives. She is damn good to look at and is the best at what she does. I’m talking about the Pamela in the home video sense. This knife is the best and you should get one.

11″ F. Dick Fine Cut, Flat Grooved Steel

You know your intrigued looking at my 11 inch dick. In all seriousness, this steel is like a massage for your knives. It replenishes them and makes them feel so much better. The grooves are extremely fine and that gives your knife the smoothest edge possible. Don’t waste your money on a good knife unless you are going to invest in a good steel to take care of it.

The Ultimate Edge EVOL Knife Bag

I have owned quite a few different knife cases in my time and none of them have come close to the quality and design of this one. It is the Rick Ross Maybach of knife bags.  There are three separate compartments with multiple zippered pockets and slots. It has enough room for all of my knives as well as tools and utensils. All good knives need a nice home, and this is a dream home.

I feel like cooks need to invest in a good set of tools to be able to succeed in the kitchen. You should find knives that feel comfortable in your hand and make your job easier.  The most expensive knives might not be the right knives for you.Take the time to do your research and make a smart decision.



One response

  1. Jack Pasta

    I love knives!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why? Because I sell cutco nucka!

    March 19, 2011 at 4:12 am

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