A Splash of Humor and a Dash of Asshole

Dear Waitstaff, Revisited

Last year I posted a letter to all the waitstaff of the world.  The purpose of the letter was to voice all of the frustrations we see on a nightly basis from behind the line. Over the past year I have noticed quite a few additional things to add. So here we go again:

Dear Waitstaff,

I am choosing to write this letter in order to make both of our nights a little better. First off,  please do not touch food in the kitchen unless it is on a plate and in the pass. I know that you might think that pot of risotto might look like it needs a quick stir, but please do not touch it.  Tell someone in the kitchen you think it needs some attention. If you are right, we will thank you for noticing. But if you are wrong, please be prepared to be told to fuck off. If you want to taste something, just ask us. Never taste food off of a plate in the window or grab a bite of any prep laying around. Nothing pisses us off more than watching you snag a french fry off of a plate as you pick it up to run it. Seeing that happen makes me want to fling a saute pan at your head. Next, we ask that you never touch our tools or equipment. We both know my knives are sharp, shiny and pretty to look at, you don’t need to pick them up to get a better look. I don’t touch your wine key or super fancy pens, so leave my shit alone!  One of the worst mistakes you can make as a server is to order food for yourself when we are busy or even worse, 5 minutes before we close. I know you might be starving and that you just worked a hard, 3 hour shift. How about you treat yourself to a Big Mac on the ride  Next, we don’t give a shit if you got tipped a buck fifty on an 8 top, so don’t whine to me about it. I’m sure your fellow front of the house stallions would love to hear your sorrow, but not me. The thing that pisses us off the most is when you fuck up a ticket and instead of accepting responsibility, you come up with bullshit excuses. Having too much to drink the night before and not being able to focus enough to ring in your order properly is no excuse. Neither is being overwhelmed by having too many tables. You may have six or seven tables of demanding customers, but we have 20 tables worth of tickets in front of us. It’s not a cock measuring contest. my point is just that being busy is no excuse for messing up tickets.

In closing, we really do like you guys. We know you guys have to deal with asshole customers and meet high standards. We understand your job is not easy and you work hard. All we ask is that you respect us and appreciate what we do night after night.


The Kitchen Staff

P.S. If you mess up, all can be repaired by purchasing us an adult beverage after work.


2 responses

  1. sharon

    Yep, pretty much sum it up.Been on both sides, and the divide is, well, divided.

    March 25, 2011 at 4:16 am

  2. Thanks for a marvelous posting! I seriously enjoyed reading it, you could be
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    your great posts, have a nice afternoon!

    January 30, 2014 at 8:53 pm

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