A Splash of Humor and a Dash of Asshole

Fine Dining MythBusters

It’s time to hurt some feelings. For all of you who have a whimsical view of what goes on every night in a restaurant kitchen, please prepare yourself to be crushed.  Your perception will definitely be changed after reading this. I mean not to scare you away, but rather to educate you. I want to wash your brain free of the ideas that  “the food network” and “culinary reality shows” have implanted upon you.  You have been warned.

Myth #1

When you eat at a celebrity chefs’ restaurant, they are actually back in the kitchen preparing your meal.

– Do you really think when you sit down at Emeril’s, his fat ass is actually back there cooking your jambalaya? You are greatly mistaken. Not only has he probably not been in that restaurant in months, but when he actually pops in for a few hours he is certainly not working the line. He is probably shaking hands and signing copies of his newest book. The good news is that the people these “chefs” hire to run their kitchens are probably better cooks than they are anyway. Not only are they responsible for running the restaurant on a daily basis, but they have to maintain a higher standard than most other kitchens. They are paid to make the restaurant operate in a way that you believe those celebrities are back there working hard.

Myth #2

Hell’s Kitchen shows what it is really like to work in a kitchen

– That show is complete bullshit. They hire the dumbest people possible to ensure they fuck up everything. Then after Chef Ramsay puts on his fresh jacket and gets his makeup done, he seems disappointed in the talent he has working in his restaurant. In a real kitchen the chef never “shuts it down,” and closes the kitchen. If you walk off the line in the middle of service, you will never be called into a strategically placed little room so the chef can yell at you and make you cry. And by the way, when was the last time you heard anything about anyone of the winners of that stupid show.

Myth #3

My server has had the chance to sample everything on the menu and I can trust their recommendations.

– I’d say that less than a quarter of all servers know what they’re talking about when they make a recommendation. They are given the opportunity to taste every dish on the menu, but most of them don’t pay attention while they are tasting and having the dish explained to them. They are too busy ravaging at the chance of a free meal. They are also offered the chance to eat the majority of items on the menu at an extreme discount either pre or post shift, but they rarely take the opportunity to eat through the menu. Usually they order the lamest or cheapest dish on the menu over and over again. Let me tell you that there are servers out there that do not operate this way, but most do.

Myth #4

High end kitchens are full of passionate culinary school graduates who aspire to be great chefs.

– The truth is, most fine dining restaurants are full of hard-working hispanic cooks that will cook the food the way the chef wants it cooked, night after night and without question. They will work twice as hard as most culinary graduates and for a fraction of the cost to the restaurant. Again, there are definite exceptions to my claims, but for the most part kitchens are made up of Juan’s not John’s.

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