A Splash of Humor and a Dash of Asshole

Why the Internet Sucks………for Restaurants

The internet is bullshit, minus the porn of course. It has the potential to ruin the restaurant business, and let me explain why.

1) Yelp/Citysearch

These websites have turned any piece of shit out there into Ruth Reichl or Frank Bruni. Housewives everywhere now have an outlet to be a restaurant reviewer. So much of the public’s opinions regarding the total restaurant experience are completely uneducated. Opening up restaurant reviews to people that have no clue what they are talking about is highly dangerous. With the popularity of these websites growing, restaurants could see a real hit. The website http://fuckyouyelper.tumblr.com/ highlights some of the shitty things people write in there bullshit reviews. Here is my favorite:

Well, I’ve never even eaten here. So why, you ask, do I even bother to rate this place? Because I did walk in here, sit down, and read the menu. Then I looked at my friends and said, “There’s no way I can eat this.” It was all grease and fat and a whole buncha yuck jumbled together. NO WAY. Im just not into that kind of eating or food combinations..so Not appealing to me. So we left. yet, its a local institution of sorts. Oh well.

Aside from the horrible grammar and punctuation issues, this review was seriously amazing. Considering it was for a Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. The name of the restaurant pretty much states what you’re getting into.

The actual sites themselves are to blame as well.  They often “filter” out positive reviews based on the reviewer not having enough reviews on their profile. This is supposed to prevent the business from writing false reviews about themselves, but that is not always the case. Not everyone wants to review everything that they do or see. Some people would simply like to be able to review things here and there.

I have actually seen businesses offer rewards or discounts based directly on their customers leaving them positive reviews. This type of thing not being able to be filtered completely invalidates these websites too.

2) Groupon/Living Social

These websites have there place in this world, just not in restaurants. Offering your food at a large discount just to get people through the door is culinary suicide. It reeks of desperation and has the potential to seriously hurt a restaurant. The type of people that come into the restaurant for a half price dinner will more than likely not be willing to return and pay double for the same meal. The sheer hit that something like that can do to your food cost is huge. It has the potential to totally fuck your business. Not only are you losing the price of the discounted meal, but you also have to pay the website a percentage of each coupon sold. 

They won’t tell you this when they contact you about being a part of their business.  They will fill your head with facts about how awesome their company is and have tons of examples of successful businesses that have benefited from their program. Think about it this way. You have a $24 entree on your menu that you’re going to sell for $12. You then give the company $6 of that. It doesn’t make all that much sense now, does it?

To sum it all up, the internet will destroy the entire restaurant business. Not really, but it has the potential to seriously hurt a few restaurants.

And now, for no reason at all, I present to you a brief timeline of my career, in picture form.

It all started with a little man and his love of food

Soon after I was making awesome wedding cakes

I peaked, with pork

I retired. Now, I cook for a party of 4 with the most talented sous chef of all time

I can have open beers on my station and take my sweet time

And then I end up right where I started



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