A Splash of Humor and a Dash of Asshole

Kitchen Zen

There are moments as cooks where the craziness of a kitchen suddenly becomes silent. Times when the the fast paced, balls to the wall kitchen life suddenly slows down and becomes peaceful. These moments are often short but very sweet. Let me preface by saying, none of these are true if you are behind in your day. If you don’t arrive at least an hour before your shift, you will probably never experience any of these moments. Also, if you are a talentless, slow, worthless piece of shit cook, stop reading now because all of this is simply a fantasy you will never experience. You should go get high and drop off that resume at 7/11. Maybe you will someday write an amazing blog about Slurpee Zen, but you will never experience any of these sweet, sweet times. Here are some of my personal favorites:

Pre Service

– Peeling Garlic
– Plucking Thyme
– Skimming Sauces
– Trimming Filet
– Frenching Chops
– Removing Pinbones in Salmon
– Slicing Chives
– Flipping out Your Mise into Clean
Pans
– Crossing the Final Things off of
Your Prep List

Mid Service

– Clearing the Rail
– Slicing Meat and Realizing it is
Cooked Perfectly
– When You’re Fully Weeded and You
Look Up For a Second to See a Hot
Blonde with Ginormous Bazookas
Being Ushered to Her Table
– Tasting a Perfectly Reduced Sauce

Post Service

– The First Ice Cold Beer
– The Second the Shitty Food
Encrusted Boom Box Gets Switched
Back On
– Hearing the Covers Count
– Switching the Lights Off and Hearing
the Door Close Behind You

Let me further explain by stating that none of these are a guaranteed moment of Zen. Most of these things can be a huge pain in the ass if you’re not in the perfect situation. But then again, if you would have shown up earlier you could have probably stopped to enjoy them. I almost forgot the most Zen-Like moments ever………….Getting a Blow Job in the walk-in.

Now please enjoy these photos I boosted from former dishwashers’ Facebook pages. They are the hardest working motherfuckers on the planet, but they also play hard. I’m sure you can tell.

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2 responses

  1. Renzo

    Wow

    December 4, 2011 at 3:30 pm

  2. renee

    I’m kinda of glad you didn’t know I washed dishes …

    December 4, 2011 at 10:09 pm

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