Today I ate at a sushi restaurant.
Today I witnessed a bunch of shitheads at that sushi restaurant.
Today I thought of a list of things I hope to never see at a sushi restaurant ever again.
1. People rubbing their chopsticks together before using them. You’re not trying to start a fire to cook your fish dumbass. It’s supposed to be raw. I assume that is what you are trying to do.
2. Bullshit “Americanized” Sushi. The “Philadelphia Roll?” Cream cheese does not belong in a sushi roll. When I think of delicious sushi, the last thing that comes to mind is Philadelphia. When I think of Philly, I think cheesesteaks the birthplace of The Fresh Prince.
3. People ordering teriyaki. Stop being a pussy and order sushi. The thought of eating raw fish gives you the heebie-jeebies? Leave the restaurant and go find yourself a Big Mac. After you finish eating it, please go fuck yourself.
4. Don’t adopt a shitty “Asian” accent when ordering. No bullshit, today I witnessed a guy try to order with the most the most offensive faux accent I have ever heard. After his order, he proceeded to put his hands together and bow his head. I really wanted to kick his ass.
5. White Chefs. Traditional sushi chefs spend years learning how to make rice. The slave over getting it perfect before they are even allowed to touch fish. The last thing I want to see when I enter a sushi place is some Le Cordon Bleu graduate in a sad excuse for a Karate Kid costume making my sushi. They probably could make a mean teriyaki chicken though.