A Splash of Humor and a Dash of Asshole

Forget Oysters, Pizza Makes Me Soooooooo Horny

Oh my god, hot-dog-stuffed-crust pizza, humans are no longer authorized to make food

By Jess Zimmerman

Although my job obviously requires me to intermittently make fun of McDonald’s, in my real life I actually try not to be elitist and judgmental about the food people choose to eat. However, I think this may have crossed my line. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU WHY IS YOUR PIZZA CRUST HOT DOGS WHY IS YOUR SANDWICH BREAD FRIED CHICKEN WHY CAN’T YOU BE SATISFIED TO EAT ONE FOOD AT A TIME

This pizza is for reals, and it’s offered by Pizza Hut in the U.K., a fact that I determined by having to type the phrase “mustard drizzle” into Google, see what I do for you people? So for once, the let’s-double-fist-everything-we-can-reach Frankenjunkfood thing isn’t the fault of Americans. In fact, it’s not even the fault of the Brits: Wiener-stuffed pizza has evidently been available in Thailand and Japan for years.

My one consolation: When this comes to the U.S. (which it will, like a moth to a flame), it’s going to make one hell of a Sandwich Monday.

(Via @chrismear on Twitter)

Jess Zimmerman is the editor of Grist List.

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One response

  1. great submit, very informative. I wonder why the other experts of this sector don’t understand this. You should continue your writing. I am sure, you’ve a great readers’ base already

    February 11, 2013 at 10:33 am

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